French Bulldog masturbating... er, no.


The second-most disturbing thing about this video is that anyone would want to film it and upload it to YouTube.

But the first is the woeful misinterpretation of what they're seeing here. This Frenchie paw-job is not an attempt at self-pleasure. Rosko here is not getting his rocks off. This is a brachycephalic dog that cannot lick its own genitals (or anus) and is reduced to doing this in an effort to maintain penis/sheath health and comfort.

There are dozens of similar videos on YouTube. Now some are of dogs that are genuinely masturbating (it is not uncommon and other animals do it too). But the ones of the dogs doing what this dog is doing are all brachycephalic: French Bulldogs, Bulldogs, Pugs. 

It isn't cute or funny. It's criminal. Because we didn't just mess French Bulldogs up so badly that they often struggle to breathe and have such flat faces that they damage their eyes. We didn't just breed them so that 80 per cent of them have deformed spines and can't reproduce naturally (over 80 per cent  are delivered by C-section). We robbed them of this basic survival tool, too.

Bracycephalic dogs can't reach their junk. They cannot clean themselves. Brachy males can't lick their penis to keep it clean. Brachy bitches cannot lick their vulva or reach round to lick their whelps as they are being born. Their owners have to wipe their bums for them. 

French Bulldog registrations have gone through the roof - a more than 2000% increase in the 10 years since 2004 in the UK.

Last year, the Kennel Club removed the Frenchie from the high-profile list. It was way too soon. Sure, there are a handful of breeders who talk a good game about health. And yep, there's a new health scheme for Frenchie breeders in the UK. But it sets the bar so low. Even the "Gold" award doesn't require any test for BOAS. 

It's not the dogs themselves who are wankers. It's those that continue to breed and buy dogs that look like this.